Just To Give You Some Giggles

This story hit my funny bone.  I think you will really enjoy it but find it hard to relate to since you love your trainer so much.  Maybe if Christo had used incouraging words like "Yummy" or had a sassing hour like I do, his client would of had a totally different experience.  Giggles.

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

Dear Diary, 
For my birthday this year,  my husband purchased a week of personal training at the
local health club. 
 
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and
give it a try. 
 
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear. 
 
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. 
 

MONDAY: 
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god -- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a
dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!
 
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the
skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout
today. Very inspiring!
 
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be
a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: 
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then
he put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile.  His rewarding smile
made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!  It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: 
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
 
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club members.  His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning
and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
 
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair
monster.  Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity
rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in
shape and enjoy life.  He said some other crap too.

THURSDAY: 
The jerk was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn't help being a
half an hour late -- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
 
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and
hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny girl to find me.
 
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: 
I hate that Christo more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic, little aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could
move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
 
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don't have any triceps!  And
if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the dang barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
 
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
director?

SATURDAY: 
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing his voice made me want
to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my
husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have
sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Eat Your Fruits and Veggies Year Round

A friend of mine who knows a lot about eating right posted this on her blog http://healthymamahappymama.wordpress.com/ and I thought it was very useful information about seasonal fruits and vegetables.  Obviously you can find many of these items more months than they are listed but they may not be as tasty and may cost you a little more.

Don't forget to eat your fruits and vegetables.  Enjoy.

Ab and Arm Circuit

Here is a fun workout to get in lots of abs and a bonus of arms.  I have tried this with a few clients and groups and they all definitely have abdominal memories from it.  Hope you enjoy.  I have included pictures to help you try and visualize what most of the exercises look like.

Exercise sequences:

• Big Ball        Abs-Hip Hinge (lean)-Crunch-Russian Twists, Arms-Plank with knee drops-Push Ups-Alternating leg lifts
• BOSU         Abs-Crunches On Top, Hopping Knee Lifts, Boxing with weights, Arms-Side Elbow plank   R and L, Elbow Plank Walkouts, Falling Kneeling Pushups
• Band            Abs-Hug a tree w/band-Hug a tree on top-Balance on BOSU and hold, Arms-Biceps with band-Triceps with band, Plank Single Arm Pull
• Small Ball/Dumbbells     Abs-Abdominal Compression-Side teaser Leg Lift-Plank with feet on ball, Arms-Plank With Alternating Rows-Lateral Flys-Overhead Presses

Each sequence has 6 or 7 exercises.  Each element is performed for 30 seconds quickly moving on to next exercise.  You complete each sequence of exercises 3 times with as little stopping as possible.

In between each sequence you can add a short cardio interval.  I did running on a treadmill that wasn't turned on for 2-4 minutes.  (Yummy)

Lean

Lean with Long Lever.  

Crunch

Crunch with longer lever

Russian Twist Start Position

Rotate side to side

Plank Start Position for Knee Drops

Drop Hips, Hold back, core and hips still

Push Up.  You Can decide how far out  to position the ball

Alternating Leg Lifts

Crunches on Top-  Thanks to my amazing model, Tiffany  Avery

Hopping Knee Lifts

Hold your core as still as possible as you switch legs in the air slowly.

Boxing Punches

Side to side, hold legs still and rotate from torso

Elbow Plank.  Remember to do both sides.  Lots of options for feet.

Elbow Plank Start position

Walk feet away from elbows 4 small steps and  then back in.  Repeat

Falling Push Ups

Falling Push Ups Start position

Arms slowly open and close

Hug a tree with Band

Balancing Hug-a-tree without band

Arms Open and Close

Single arm row start position

Pull and Lengthen, Remember to do both sides.

I do not have a picture of bicep curls and Tricep extensions with a band yet but I know you wouldn't dare leave them out.

Abdominal Compressions

Side Teaser Start Position

Side Teaser End Position

Elbow Plank with feet on ball

Plank Row Start position

Alternate Rows Side to Side

Lateral Flys

  

Overhead Presses

I hope the pictures help.  Always feel free to leave comments if you have any questions.

50 Snacks Under 50 Calories

This list was shared by Women's Day.  Let us all know what your favorites are.

Satisfy your sweet tooth

1. 1⁄2 medium apple, baked, topped with 1 Tbsp lowfat yogurt sprinkled with cinnamon (45 calories)

2. 1⁄2 small banana, frozen (45 calories)

3. 4 oz unsweetened applesauce sprinkled with cinnamon (49 calories)

4. 1 miniature box of raisins (45 calories)

5. 2 sugar-free ice pops (30 calories)

6. 1 sugar-free fudge ice pop (35 calories)

7. 12 cherries (48 calories)

8. 1 individual serving sugar-free gelatin with 3 Tbsp light whipped topping (40 calories)

9. 1⁄2 cup strawberries with 21⁄2 Tbsp nonfat yogurt (47 calories)

10. 14 seedless red grapes, frozen (48 calories)

Indulge a salt craving

11. 11⁄2 cups salted air-popped popcorn (46 calories)
12. 1⁄4 cup shelled edamame with sea salt (37 calories)
13. 8 oz miso soup (36 calories)
14. 1 pretzel rod (37 calories)
15. 1⁄4 small bag of Glenny's lightly salted soy crisps (35 calories)
16. 1 medium sliced cucumber mixed with 1⁄4 cup sliced onion, 1⁄2 cup chopped celery, 4 Tbsp vinegar and salt to taste (45 calories)
17. 6 oz eight-vegetable juice (39 calories)
18. 1 kosher dill pickle (10 calories)

Crunch and munch

19. 1⁄2 cup jicama with 4 oz salsa (49.5 calories)
20. 11⁄2 cups sugar snap peas (40 calories)
21. Small celery stalk smeared with 1⁄2 Tbsp natural peanut butter (49 calories)
22. 1⁄2 small apple with 1 tsp soy butter (46 calories)
23. 1 brown rice cake with 1 Tbsp sugar-free jam (44 calories)

Smooth and creamy

24. 1 Laughing Cow Light Garlic & Herb wedge spread on cucumber slices (35 calories)
25. 1 tsp almond butter (34 calories)
26. 1⁄2 cup fat-free Greek yogurt with 1 tsp sugar-free strawberry jam (43 calories)
27. 1 oz avocado (about 1⁄8 of an avocado) squirted with lime (45 calories)
28. 8 grape tomatoes dipped in 1 Tbsp light cream cheese (46 calories)

Cheesy whizzes

29. 6 pieces of endive filled with 1⁄2 oz reduced-fat feta cheese (49 calories)
30. 1 slice fat-free American cheese (30 calories)
31. 1 large tomato, sliced, topped with 1 Tbsp Parmesan, broiled (44 calories)
32. 1 oz fat-free cottage cheese on 1 slice caraway Finn Crisp Crispbread (38 calories)
33. 1 oz fat-free mozzarella dipped in 1 tsp marinara sauce (46 calories)

Power up on protein

34. Turkey rollups: 2 slices white meat turkey rolled in 2 lettuce leaves (46 calories)
35. 1 oz smoked salmon (about 1 slice) on 2 Wheat Thins crackers (Multi-Grain) (48 calories)
36. 1 tofu dog with 1 Tbsp sauerkraut (48 calories)
37. 1⁄2 cup plain fat-free yogurt sprinkled with 1 tsp sunflower seeds (49.6 calories)
38. 1.3 oz water-packed tuna with 1 tsp Dijon mustard (48 calories)
39. 2 large hard-cooked egg whites with 1 cup sliced cucumber (48 calories)
40. 1 slice Wasa Fibre Crispbread with 2 tsp hummus (45 calories)
41. 1 medium water-packed sardine with slice of red onion (35 calories)

Solid standbys

42. 1⁄2 cup melon with 2 Tbsp 1% cottage cheese (47 calories)
43. 1⁄2 small grapefruit (32 calories)
44. 1⁄3 cup blueberries with 1 Tbsp light sour cream (47 calories)
45. 1⁄2 cup carrots with 1 Tbsp light ranch dressing (45 calories)

Thirst quenchers

46. 1⁄2 cup nonfat milk with 1 Tbsp Walden Farms calorie-free chocolate syrup (40 calories)
47. 1 packet of sugar-free hot chocolate made with 1⁄4 cup skim milk and 3⁄4 cup hot water (47 calories)
48. 3⁄4 cup almond milk (45 calories)
49. 3⁄4 cup seltzer with 1⁄4 cup cranberry juice and a lime wedge (33 calories)
50. Homemade iced green tea (with artificial sweetener if desired) (0 calories)